Manic Manipulations of a Stalker and Mumbai Cops Who Don’t Care
A woman currently being stalked by her abusive ex-boyfriend approached The Quint to help put out her story.
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The first time he hit her, it was because she failed to meet him at a particular spot they had decided upon. She was only a few metres away, but he had yelled on the phone, picked her up and beaten her black and blue. “Did he slap you?” I ask. “No,” she said, “He bruised my left arm and leg. I couldn’t walk properly the next day. I still remember lying to my boss about it.”
This was in early 2012, the first of many times that Anamika’s* boyfriend Varun*, now 34, would physically abuse her over the next two years. When she finally found the courage to exit the toxic relationship, Varun turned from a violent boyfriend to an abusive stalker.
It has now been more than six years since they met. Varun continues to track around Mumbai – who she talks to, when she goes out, and with whom. He sends her a barrage of audio and text messages almost every night, while calling her parents, aunts, cousin, friends, her uncle in Indonesia(!) to spread rumours about her promiscuity, her indecent lifestyle and her alleged married status.
I. The First Signs of an Abusive Partner
In 2011, Varun, taught GRE/GMAT coaching classes in Bandra. Anamika, was in Mumbai for an internship during her final MBA semester. They got to know each other through a common friend and started chatting. The conversations increased, as did the intimacy; soon they found themselves in a relationship. In March 2012, after completing her MBA, Anamika moved to Mumbai for a job with a background verification company.
Anamika determined that this was a low phase in Varun’s life and if she stuck by him, he would come out of it. “But it only got worse,” she says with a bemused smile.
When he hit her for the first time, she asked him to stop the car; he refused. Finally, after half an hour of abuse, she reached the safe confines of her home. She decided to stop talking to him, but an earnest phone call from his mother made her reconsider. “She called me and apologised for Varun’s behaviour. I thought if he’s getting his parents involved, this must be important to him. I decided to give him a chance. That was a big mistake.”
Before she met him, she says she wasn’t the kind of person who would put up with abuse. But in those two years, she still cannot fathom what happened to her.
II. Walking Out of an Abusive Relationship
Around 2014, her friends and family found out about the abuse and were shocked. They asked her to cut contact immediately.
Her health deteriorated. She put on 30 kilograms because of stress. She had a sinking feeling that her life was headed nowhere. In 2014, Varun lost his students. His reputation fell through due to his anger and irregularity. He had to pack his bags and move back home, but he had a plan.
“After he went back home, he decided to sit for Civil Services. He didn’t clear the exam, but told everyone – his family, friends, acquaintances – that he had gotten into the Indian Police Service (IPS)! All I could think of then was that this bubble he created is going to burst at some point, and how.”
The distance did Anamika some good. She started keeping herself busy with work, a helpful gym membership and getting back in touch with friends she hadn’t spoken to in two years. By the time 2015 was in full swing, the two barely talked; they had lost contact.
III. The Stalking Begins
In the middle of 2016, Varun started contacting Anamika again. Her phone was flooded with texts and calls about men she was hanging out with, something about a court case and general harassment. Every time she would block his number, he would contact her from another number. Little did she know he had started tracking her call details.
He accused her of being a “slut”, for sleeping around with all her male friends, threatened her. This time, Anamika stuck to her resolve and refused to participate in any conversation.
The turning point, Anamika explains, was when Varun became a full-blown, break-the-law stalker after watching M S Dhoni: The Untold Story in Spetember 2016.
This was a trigger for Varun. Insult had been added to imagined injury; he thought Drithi’s friend who had defended her was a new boyfriend. This was also a trigger for Anamika. She completely cut him off; blocked number after number and stopped opening his messages. When he realised he had lost his control over her, his desperation set in.
Anamika shows me a hundreds of audio notes, messages, emails, GTalk messages, missed calls. He would usually start at around 10 pm and contact her from different numbers, on different platforms – daily. “It was really strange. The voice messages were all in different tones. Sometimes, he would cry hysterically, sometimes be abusive and angry. He would send a voice note and then send the same thing as a message.”
In December 2016, he called from an unknown number. When she found out it was him, she told him in very clear words: she didn’t want to come back to him, she didn’t want any contact; she didn’t see any future with him. To her surprise, he agreed and wished her the best of luck in life and love. For all of January 2017, he left her alone.
IV. A Stalker’s Manic Moods
Towards the end of January 2017, however, he called her up and abused her with such vulgarity, it took her breath away. She lost her cool and threatened to take serious action against him. The next morning when she woke up, she found her SIM card – still in his name – blocked. When she contacted customer care, she was told he SIM had been blocked as it had been reported lost. She was shocked, but saw it as an opportunity. She promptly got a new number, which he couldn’t reach.
Desperate to regain direct access to Anamika, Varun crossed another line. He found out where she worked, called the office number on a Saturday, and abused the guard who told him that no one was there during the weekend. “It didn’t end there. He then called my HR head, CEO and another colleague. One day, I got a call from my HR Head asking me if I was fine. Turns out, she and my CEO had received several phone calls from Varun claiming that all my degrees and recommendations were fabricated; that I was a fraud.”
“Ironically,” she adds, “I work in a background verification company, so my CEO was having none of it.”
Support from her colleagues and superiors at work proved to be one of Anamika’s pillars of strength as she battled Varun. Her HR head and CEO assured her that the matter wouldn’t go past the three people who had been contacted and they stood behind her, unconditionally. When Varun received no response from Anamika’s workplace, he started contacting her parents and saying lewd things about her.
The emails and messages increased in frequency and feverishness. “This went on for months until April-May 2017. He reached out everyday in a different mood. Then it suddenly stopped for a few months.”
Around mid-September, Varun contacted Anamika’s best friend, demanding to know if she was seeing someone. When she hung up on him, he sent her voice notes addressed to Anamika.
V. A Physical Confrontation
On 27 September, Anamika was walking back home from office, just a few kilometres apart, when she heard someone call out her name. She turned, saw Varun and froze. Anamika couldn’t get over his transformation from a regular physique to a overtly muscular frame, like some sort of Bhai, which he insisted she’d like.
Just a few weeks ago, he had sent her an email which said he went for a “diagnosis for his behavioural problems”. He had been prescribed “Testoviron 250mg”, a steroid used to treat low testosterone levels in the body which causes conditions such as impotence, hormonal imbalances, mood changes. It is also used to achieve dramatic muscular gains.
That night she went to a friend’s house before going home, afraid he would follow her. Scared for her life, she wrote an email to the Commissioner of Police about the situation and asked for urgent help. She did not get a response.
A week before Diwali in October, Anamika’s mother received a call from Varun’s mother. Her dad picked up. She asked to speak to Anamika’s mom but when her father insisted she speak with him, she disconnected the call. Then, she called back again and hung up again.
At this point, I stop to ask Anamika: “Why do you think she’s doing this for Varun? She most probably knows about his abusive nature.” Without blinking an eye, she says: “He’s definitely shouted at her, harassed her or beaten her into doing this. He has confessed to me that he’s done it before.”
Thrice after calling and disconnecting, Varun’s mother called Anamika’s father this time and insisted that the two children were afraid of his approval and wanted to be together. Anamika’s parents grew livid.
“When I went back home for Diwali this year, my parents asked to quit my job, leave the city and come back.” But Anamika had tasted courage. She stood up to them respectfully, and demanded to know why she should leave when he was the one in the wrong. They weren’t convinced. They gave her an ultimatum to find another job in another city. She accepted the terms and came back to the city, knowing she wasn’t going to give up easily.
On 18 October, Varun sent a message to Anamika’s father.
Her parents’ tolerance limit had been crossed. She was forced to break her silence and confronted him on GTalk but he kept refusing, saying that neither him or his mother sent that message.
VI. A Marriage Fraud in the Making
On 26 November 2017, she received a call from an unknown number. “I picked up and just froze. He had found out my new number.” Again the messages, the calls, the stalking began.
It wasn’t the old-fashioned stalk around the city. “Sometime in 2013, he mentioned that he knew someone in the police back home who would access location details of phone numbers. He definitely knows police officials back home. That’s probably how he could pretended to be one for several months. The detail with which he knew our schedules could only have been if he matched data from numbers and deduced it. It was very scary.”
Another friend and Anamika’s sister-in-law received the same call next morning. When the latter asked, surprised, what she was talking about, Varun’s mother said they had proof of their marriage. Then came calls to Anamika’s distant aunts. They were told Anamika and Varun had been married “for five years”. Anamika’s father lost his temper. He stopped talking to her. Her younger brother was constantly screaming at her. Everyone thought it was her fault.
VIII. Running Around Police Stations
Cut to now.
On 11 November, Anamika went to MIDC Police Station to file an FIR against Varun. The stalking had now gone out of control. She waited for three hours, until a female constable asked for her complaint.
Anamika was informed she was to be called on 13 November for an official statement. By 16 November, there had been no contact by the police. She went back to the station and waited for three hours. Then, she went to Powai police station, where she was told the same thing. Since the actual stalking incident took place near her office, it was technically not under their jurisdiction. After much pleading, a senior official agreed to call Varun’s mother. She was asked to keep her son away from Anamika.
On 17 November, Anamika again spent the evening at MIDC police station hoping to file an FIR. She reached at 4:15 pm and was made to wait until 9:30 pm before an officer was assigned to her complaint.
“Since then, nothing has happened. I went to the police station for an update but they simply told me that these things take time since he’s not in Mumbai. They say logistics and approvals have to fall in place. I insisted that they inform Varun that an FIR has been filed against him in the hopes he stops harassing me, but they said he might flee. They even asked me to not talk about the FIR. He’s still sending me messages and audio notes from different numbers everyday.”
What now? Anamika doesn’t know. She’s done everything she can: from getting out of an abusive relationship, to being stalked, slandered at work and amongst family, to sitting for hours in police stations hoping someone will realise that she’s a victim of a very serious crime, every day – and in real danger. But it seems that for the police, cases like Anamika’s are non-essential, at least until they end in abduction, rape, acid attack or murder.
*Name changed to protect the identity of the victim. Stalker’s name hidden as victim fears for her safety.
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Published: 15 Dec 2017,04:01 PM IST