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“How are you feeling?” I get asked daily.
In the post abrogation-of-Article-370 scenario, along with logistical and financial support, I’ve been providing emotional first-aid, psychosocial support and basic mental health counseling to over 300 people living outside of Kashmir, through countless conversations, sharing of tips for anxiety and panic attacks on social media, phone calls and constant support (through an online group), for them to express and share in a safe space.
When put in abnormal situations, it’s normal for people to behave ‘abnormally’.
People aren’t scared of death, but of life, in such an uncertain context - agony evident in their sleepless eyes, restless breaths, fearful short talks; if only they could talk to their loved ones in and outside the valley, they would feel ‘better’.
The long queues that I saw at the police stations in August included many women (who usually have few avenues for expression and physical outreach), waiting impatiently to make calls to their children outside or crying to find out the whereabouts of their detained sons. Some reports claim around 13000 boys have been detained since 5 August.
Imagine the trauma and scars that these women and children will live the rest of their lives with!
I have heard stories and met people who still go through midnight-knock-syndrome, which was common in the 1990s and then again started showing up in 2016 (where people get panic attacks at nights thinking they are being searched for - that they will be taken away and may never return).
There’s a mental-health crisis in the valley where according to a report by MSF, “about 45% of the population in the valley show symptoms of significant mental distress.” Imagine this data drastically changing currently in Kashmir, with the distress from curfews and communication blockade affecting almost every single person living in constant fear there and outside.
Witnessing bouts of depression, anxiety, panic attacks in some very emotionally intelligent people in and outside the valley has been haunting me - business owners, daily wagers, aspiring employees, always carrying a tint of jaded pain on their faces.
15-year-old Yawar Bhat in Kashmir recently committed suicide after being allegedly beaten up by the Army according to various reports.
With schools shut, students are anxious about their future, aspirations, dreams. I had 9th graders tell me that they are thinking of moving out to look for jobs now to save themselves from becoming insane and dying of anxiety.
Whenever my (otherwise very cheerful) 2-year old nephew at home is now asked if he wants a banana/lunch, he says, “haan school mein khaonga kal (Yes, I will eat it in school tomorrow).” The tomorrow which he awaits hasn’t yet come. A toddler has already started experiencing the distress of our abnormal lives, quite evident in his behavior as he often feels irritated and bursts into tears, missing his playschool. Reciting rhymes he learned at the playschool bring some ‘normalcy’ to his little world.
Outside, people are experiencing this unimaginable fear, pain, panic, and anxiety, unsure of what is happening with their loved ones, due to total communication blockade. As most of them don’t have landlines at home, many still haven’t spoken to their families in more than 50 days. Let that sink in.
People have been frantically calling me, sometimes at 3-4 am, hopelessly looking for comfort about the safety of their loved ones back home complaining of heartaches and mood-swings. Hope and prayer sometimes are the only things they have outside the valley.
At home, with everything shut, everyone outside has become a messenger - delivering messages, medicines and small tokens of love, whenever anyone manages to go back to Kashmir.
Stuck in these situations, one can feel powerless and hopeless. The stress caused by these traumatic events can impact all the dimensions of our wellbeing – physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual, intellectual. This anger when left unexpressed can develop into repressed sadness, ready to erupt at the first possible opportunity, imprinting our memory and behavior forever. This is how so many of us, in and outside feel – homeless, hopeless and displaced (externally and emotionally), and sometimes, plain numb!
As a peace-psychologist, I have found that in times of crisis one has to keep being resilient and create moments of calm in their lives, through simple effective coping mechanisms; evident in the case of Kashmir and Kashmiris currently.
Some of these are:
These tips help one feel more centered and grounded, empowering one to cope better with the ramifications of crisis and traumatic situations.
To find the courage to live in times of hopelessness - to survive - can be revolutionary; and I hope all of you in pain-trauma-mental distress, can trust yourself enough to survive, triumphing the tragedies. Seek help. Empathize. Keep breathing and hoping that people we haven’t heard from in over 50 days are also breathing!
(Ufra Mir is the first and only peace-psychologist from Kashmir and she is the co-director of a non-partisan think-tank, The Kashmir Institute and the founding executive director of her own NGO, Paigaam: A Message for Peace. )
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Published: 27 Sep 2019,06:50 PM IST